Contre Jour Photography

It is about emotions, mimik, gestures and an obsession to analyse these.. Analyse to understand and to survive..

Grew up in Freundenstadt, Black Forest in South of Germany, studied for political reasons mechanical engineer and mathematics in Karlsruhe to become a development helper. Worked with physically and mentally handicapped people several years, programming applications and as financial reporting project lead for a transnational global company while living in Hamburg

Now lives in Berlin.

In my earliest memory I started to think about that I wanted to do photography, since I was 14 years old. Got a minimalistic camera, started photography and borrewed a SLR camera as I wanted more and wanted to influence the process, learned to develop black and white films and get printouts while I still was in school.
Political, journalistic photography was in my mind, story telling by photography, but also I was also fascinated to took pictures at theatre pieces and performances and dances.
During my study of mechanics in Karlsruhe I was several months in India exploring how and what is development word there and I visited several projects there but also attended an Ashram in Kerala at that time. Coming back I moved to Hamburg doing break and a social 2 years but I also wanted to explore art there at the HFBK in Hamburg. I have done a video film during that time about a community of handicapped people living in Reinbek, close to Hamburg with the title „Behindert oder was“ but I also found out that I wasn’t mature enough to follow my intrinsic motivation to study art, or film or photography as I wanted to do. Financial restrictions, depressions which I suffered a lot at that time stopped me going this path with all consequences and at the same time I could no longer study engineering at university as I was in full blocked because of the absence of an answer to the „why“.

I somehow managed to finalize my study of mechanics after several years of locking myself into a room whilst at the same time I lost my last drop of passion that I really wanted to work in this area. I worked some years as an educational assistent with handicaped adults. doing computer programming and then I decided to move on, got a business administration degree and worked for a very long time in the controlling department of an international food company, the last 10 years managing global finance reporting projects in architecture, design and operations. This was a kind of satisfying as this covers almost my initial idea as a devlepment aid as I had 3 teams, 2 in india and one in England. In the last 12 years the wish to do more in creativity and art grew again more and more and stronger and stronger.

The wish to do something else, to change and become an artist and to create art by photography, sculptures & performances got stronger and stronger and more reachable while I transformed myself slowly. Inspired by the novel from Thomas Pynchon I chose my artist name as „Contre Jour“ as my photographic schema and artistic topic. For myself I found the Burning Man culture not only very inspiring in philosophy but also in practical realisation by just doing art, not caring about quality, making pictures, learn to be consent and also not caring about perfection and others. Seeking beauty and a satisfying vision to follow. Radical self expression was for me not only a huge learning curve to overcome shame and my anxiety about people in general but also learning to express myself, my inner map, questioning my learned roles, questioning my learned inner truth, wishes and pain with one word transform my own self. I can clearly say that Larry Harvey, one of the founder of Burning Man, was for sure one of my artist role model, even not knowing him in person.
I found my spiritual path, which was covered so much and under so many levels, but luckily not lost with meditations. I dived deeper in my anxieties and depression analysis and our emotional system and behaviour. It helped me a lot to have traveled a long time in India, was in an Ashram while I was in my twentieth. I could accept that I might not overvome my issues but the meditation helped my to slowly understand the mesh and avoid triggers. Art helped me a lot to find a way to work around these.

From a photographic perspective I am influenced a lot by Guy Bourdin, Karl Lagerfeld but also so many more from all the pictures I see which are speaking to me in a good and in a bad way, while I see them. I am very much influenced by modern paintings, modern expression dance and modern theatre but also from philosphers like Bertrand Russel, Wittgenstein and more.
I am addicted to understand Quantenphysik and Kosmology.

I should add that I love the arts I saw out there at „Black Rock City“ the burn in the US/Nevada, performances, sculptures, poems, inspirational thoughts. For some of them I needed years to understand and others I was somehow even to shy to understand them as I did not took the time to really look at them or I was fighting too much with my own prejudice. What I shame I had to learn and to confess. At leaset it opened my eyes radically. These artists are my really heroes of the time as they are so close and near that I could reach out my hand and participate. I am working to express my feelings, my philosophy, my understanding of the physics of the world, the mathematics, the psychology. Even more I am learning to express my inner self, my anxieties and my abuse experiences. I got the gift that I felt that the creative process helps me to transform in another self which I really enjoy as it frees me up during this process.
I feel so much the need to do art and do creative things, it is like that I am hungry and I need to eat. I am really starving while I cannot do anything.